Saturday, August 6, 2011


Well, here we go...  I have a few things that I should probably confess first.  I am not a writer.  As a matter of fact, I'm not really a reader either.  I like magazines a lot, but can't even tell you the last time I sat down and read a book.   I've never written a blog in my life until today.  My wife, on the other hand, is both.  She's an amazing writer that has journaled her entire life since she was 7 years old and a voracious reader. 

Here's my big confession...we're struggling with infertility and have been for the last two years and it's all my fault!  I'm 38 and my wife is 31.  I  love my wife.  I can't imagine my life without her.  She is truly my soul mate.  We've been married for years and finally decided that it was time to have kids.  After trying and having two small episodes that we thought may have been miscarriages, we decided to consult physicians.  As everything is in the infertility world, they focused on my wife first.  They quickly ruled her out after numerous sonograms, blood test, HSG (I think that's what's it's called) and God knows how many other tests.  Then came time for me to have the fun.  At least that's what everyone says.  "How hard is it to go into a room and watch porn and blow your load in a cup?"  Well, honestly, it's a helluva lot harder than you think it might be (No pun intended!  I'll save that whole story for another blog post!)  The results came in and it was clearly me.  Of course, you can't base anything on one semen analysis so there was another and then another and then another and then another.  Trust me!  I hear it loud and clear.  I'm the problem so please let's stop the analyses!   I have to admit that this news shook me up quite a bit, but I never let it show.  I don't think my wife had any idea.

Well, since this is just a background piece, I'll spend more time later digging into the psyche of the male who is slapped in the face with the news that he may have a hard time doing what his body was designed to do - procreate.  But I here's the deal.  We've been to 3 different fertility clinics (why?  I know that's what you're asking and all I can say is that's a story I'll also tell you later.  I promise it's worth waiting for).  We've been through 2 natural cycle IVF treatments and one stimulated IVF treatment with ICSI.  After all of those, we decided to take a break.  It appears that Recess is over and we're back at it again.  This time we have a new doctor, and a new procedure IVF with PICSI.....never heard of it?  Us either!  It's the latest innovation in infertility treatment and only available in select places in the U.S.  I promise, I'll get into all that later, too. 

The short of it is this....I've learned a lot.  I've done a lot of right things and I've done more than my share of wrong things during this whole process.  It's a tough process.  It's really tough on women because they have to endure the physical side of the process and all the hormones,  but the thing that's rarely mentioned is that it's tough on us too!  Most men just suck it up and hide it.  I have for the last 2 years, but now I've decided to move outside of my comfort zone and write this blog.   I intend to share the things that I've learned from all the previous procedures, but will also share our story as we go through yet another round. 

I apologize in advance that things will not be chronological (I started this blog way too far into this story to go back and try to catch everyone up).  I apologize for my inevitable rambling (remember, I'm not a writer).  I'll share things that strike me that may helpful to the masses of men (and women) going through this every day. 

I'll sign off today by saying, "Welcome! and you're not alone."